And you know what?
Today is the (of course) day that i actually feel sad for leaving. So many people have given me cards, gifts...come by to say "i'll miss you". Some people took me out for lunch, and there were eight of us. Now in a work place that has 70+ employees that might not sound like much. But to me it was perfect. And so, to those who made my stay here bearable... thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are the embodiment of kindness, love and joy. and no matter how much i bitched or complained...I'm still eternally grateful. : )

Today.
Wish i could say that i had a better title...but I'm sort of at a loss. Today is any number of things for me.
-my last day here
-my first colour belt at Taek
-the first time I get to spend time with Jason - after the 'confession'
-the first time I've had people stop to talk to ME about ME. Not just about dad or whatever i'm doing for them.
-the first session of 'pre-youth' that i'll be missing
-the first day on my road to recovery : )
So, although it's technically not an important day...it still holds some amount of sentimentality. Will I, at this time next year be smiling and remembering fondly? No. But it's nice to acknowledge all the same.


Feelin' Fine
Okay, so maybe not quite fine...but I'd say I'm back up to 75%, which is good, considering yesterday all I wanted to do was eat and sleep. I suppose the BOX of mandarin oranges and the ONE HUNDRED GALLONS of liquids started to do their thing. Still kinda tired though. Wish i was at 100 as opposed to 75....not going to complain, though. tonight I can sleep as long as i want. And the same goes for sunday. And monday! yes, life is looking up for me...

Ow. Stress headache (and before you start to feel too envious, please note that my good nights sleep was caused by two Dayquil pills. Ahh yes. Medicine- God's remedy.
(I was reading how to get rid of cramps at mothernature.com, and they actually suggested using tylenol or advil, saying that they're helpful AND not that bad for you! Bonus for Sargwa: mother nature is on her side! lol))

ANd on a final, less practical note (yes, i realize that made no sense); remember that girl who was just unpleasAnt at the Christmas thing on Tuesday? Yeah, she stopped by to 'chat' with me this morning. Even though she didn't do it yesterday (when she was talking with Roz) or at the banquet. I barely looked at her and gave her the minimum attention i could. I'm sorry: people like that bug me. I'm sure she's nice - but I don't want to know someone that ignores my friends/family.

And so the countdown begins. 7.15 hours left.
ta

Tales from the...sickbed?
Ugh. Monday I didn't sleep until 11. Which was okay, because i was moderately well rested and my body could still fight. Tuesday I didn't sleep until 11- which was pushing it a little(so i thought. I figured hey: I'll get a good 8 hours on Wendesday and it'll be okay.
Not so. I succumbed to the sore throat around 12:00 yesterday. Fearing for my health i went to bed early yesterday (think, 8:30). Unfortunately for me I tossed and turned all night - and didn't get the good, deep sleep I needed. And so today I am sitting here, sleepy and weakish with my throat feeling like someone is dragging a razor over it. Ow. On the other hand, I'm plying myself with hot tea and oranges in a desperate attempt to bribe my body into healthiness. Or at the very least that precarious state where you're balancing inbetween sickness and health. I really hope it works - though I'm unsure whether it will or not. Anybody have any sure-fire methods of getting rid of a sore throat? Please - share them with me!
Actually, i think the only thing that i REALLY need right now is, well, sleep. So again Sargwa (the ill) will be crawling into bed around 8:30.

Not to mention that today I look like some sort of troll. I've not had a hair day this bad since...well, ever. I woke up and my hair was fuzzed, my face was pale...i looked like the living dead. Of course it doesn't help that my voice has dropped an octave (what did Shawn call me at grad?). Well, it's my sexy 'though i sound great you really, REALLY don't want to kiss me' voice.
...I think I'm going to steal that teddy bear back and take it home. For snuggles and TV. Teddy Bears are softer than people, and they don't complain if you squish them a little. Or a lot.

Anyhow. At least I can still stand. And be alive. And it's not the flu, which is a great big "THANK YOU" to the big guy in the sky...
so...any suggestions? Somebody? Anybody?

When I come around...
Yesterday I had a decent day. I started off feeling like i was, well, going to weep. Then (due, no doubt, to some Christmas miracle) I was given the opportunity to email back and forth all day. With whom, you ask? Ligwa and Jason. And thanks to the two of them they pulled me out of my blue little funk and made my day just a little more worth it. Ok, I lied. A lot more worth it. Work itself was kinda dull - data entry (the usual) pockmarked with my internet liasons...but on the other end I'm almost done here.
Silent Night, Holy night, shepherds quake at the sight
...of Rabbit and I at the dinner last night. The food WAS phenominal (even though I only got the TINIEST piece of salmon), and we played bingo. Nobody sat with us (Lisa, Me, Rabbit and Tim Leung) - except this wonderfully old couple, who were just the sweetest people on the planet. If I didn't have such great grandparents already I fully would adopt them. There was another couple sitting with us, but they left. Said goodbye to the older couple, didn't even look at us younger ones. Was severely unimpressed. So I'm just going to (be wonderfully mature and) return the favour by not even looking at her when i see her at the office. Granted, considering that you could REALLY tell that she didn't like the people she was with(ahem US). Program was ok, except the songs were sung in WAY too high of a key (sorry - most men aren't basses and women mezzo soprano), which resulted in a lot of off-key harmony. Oops. Props to Kora, who came (even though she wanted pizza. Which would have been nice, too.)
Expectations
Had a bunch of really weird dreams last night. But the weirder thing is that I woke up at five - because I felt someone put their hand on my back. Internal dialogue as follows:
'huh? Dad? (Hears car door slam, dad leaves) than....everyone is asleep....mmmm....I want to be asleep. Why am i not? right. Back. uuuhhh....what was that? (drifts in and out of consciousness) HOLY CRAP THAT MUST BE A HUGE SPIDER!
At that point I wound up running my hands over my back, into my hair and onto the surrounding blanket. No spider. I wonder what it was....ugh.

Anyhow, work to do today, can't stay that much longer. And so, I will leave you with some parting words of wisdom:
Playing roller coaster around strangers generally results in the strangers fearing you.

...Pushed down so hard you can hear him start to sink....
This entry will not be the happiest of fare. Normally I can fake a good mood long enough to squeeze out an amused anecdote but not today. Today i am tired. Today i am stressed out. Yesterday sucked and it's spilling over into today.
why, you ask? Why did yesterday suck?
-Argument with co-worker(look, Lady. I'm sorry - I can't do your work for you because i have OTHER things to do. These are my last four(four too many) days. Besides. I was never your servant/slave/peon. Do your own bloody work)
-My father totalled the jeep. He';s ok - the people in the car he demolished are ok. That's what i'm trying to focus on. I mean, he could have been killed. The OTHER person could have been killed. It's still just...another stress. At Christmas.
-My leaving, you know, the country.
-My inability at TaeK, not to mention this SEVERE case of writers block. ESPECIALLY when T & T is on such a deadline.
- The EX. Too many questions. too many inquisitions and demands.

And you have no idea..
How close I am to just breaking down. I'm just....so...stressed out. I almost burst into tears today. And i don't know what i need to make it better. No, i do know. But. Keep up a strong front, right? It can only get better. Or worse. MY WORD I've got to stop that. And so, if i randomly burst into tears (or gales of laughter) please, just hug me/ignore me as is appropriate.

Anyhow
I'll be updating futon soon. Today, in fact. Perhaps I can...bah.

I just need some good company.

Love's Ugly Smooth and Delicate...
Not that the title has ANYTHING to do with me right now. I just love the line. :) I completely didn't update about my weekend. And i know you're all dying to hear.
Friday
went and saw The Last Samurai. Fully loved it. Company was awesome...movie was good...and i (for some strange reason) was awake. So...overall? An above-average night (except that there was no Rabbit. Even though there is much resentment about the passworded post...Rabbit is still the greatest. And i think i know what it's about. A certain someone liking a certain someone else? I followed the clues....)

Saturday
Bloody testing that took four hours. I bruised my tailbone from sitting on the wood floor. This one kid started to throw up in the middle of his form - he was testing for first degree blackbelt. He was still really good, though. I hope he passes. It was fun - something done completely on adrenaline...which is an unusual feeling. What? Where'd the apathy go? lol. i was tired, though, 'cause i didn't get home from the movie until 1:15. Worth it, though. Accidentally kicked my self defense partner in the posterior. Oops. more embarassing than anything else. >_< At somewhere around nine Rabbit and I struck out into the world...only to call it an early night two hours later. I don't care what they say: I'm young and healthy but i WANTED to SLEEP. I pitied Jason: he had to go to a dinner thing, and he had less sleep than i did. : (

Sunday
Church. Did the advent reading (which i'd learned about at 4pm saturday afternoon), then was in the Nursery. I like babies....sort of. They're cute (when they're not screaming). Missed some good music, though. *sighs* What can i say. I like the ones who can talk in complete sentences best. Yes, i realize that that cuts out many of the people i knew in highschool....

then to the play rehersal, which i left early with a splitting headache...then Rabbit and i went into Richmond for Pocky and Sesame Seed Balls, and on the way home ordered a REAL pizza from PANAGO. I won't relate the conversation K had with the guy on the phone (I'm a better person than that), but i will say that it ended in her vowing to never order pizza again. It was phenominal pizza, though.

...is it pathetic when i find myself dreaming about pizza? I mean, I've been stuck with Little Cesars for SO LONG that I'd forgotten that there was DECENT pizza in the world. Mmm. We ate the whole thing except for one slice of MY half, which i saved for lunch.

I think the highlight of my weekend (other than the pizza) was discovering that I've got abs now. I've had wonderfully happy things happen since then, but i don't like to divulge these sort of secrets to just anybody. Plus it technically happened TODAY, which means that I've got one more day before being obligated to update.

AND SO. My apologies for the scatterbrained entry: my mind is in a very, very different place right now. But i will end with this:
I still don't know what the hell the password is to that entry, rabbit. You're still mean, even though you DO appreciate good pizza when you find one. Mm. I want another one.

ta

There
Sick and tired of enetation making my weblog impossible: comments now by haloscan! Thank you haloscan!

A List of grievances
- People who password protect their sites than don't tell me the bloody password. Namely Kora, whom i have disowned for 1)never commenting, even though i RELIGIOUSLY comment on her blog 2)Telling me what the password will be, then NOT keeping up her end of the deal. >(

Ok, so maybe that's my only grievance right now, but it's there. And even though it's said in (more or less) good humor, I still reserve the right to be indignant and grouchy for at least another twenty-five minutes.

And titling it "something sarah doesn't know". You just did it to drive me crazy. i KNOW you. You SO did.

Bah. I have no friends. I disown all of you. ALL OF YOU. On the plus side, it makes my christmas shopping blissfully simple.

And you don't think I'm talking to you? I am. So THERE.