I want to come home
I know that by the end of April I'll be fine. But April is a long ways away. The realest thing around is right now (and possibly tomorrow) and my missing people back home with everything in my soul.
It's like, i spend my whole life talking about how i can't WAIT to go on an 'adventure', and now that it's staring me in the face I don't know what to do other than sniffle. It's strange, stepping out of my bubble. It's difficult --> and I'm in a place i've been to EVERY YEAR OF MY LIFE. I can only imagine how scary everywhere else will be.
But no matter how much I like it there, I know I'll be glad to come home.
I'm starting to think a lot about the changes that are going to take place. I don't think I will change massively: I think that basically i am who i will be. My perceptions of people, of places and of realities will change. But i know that while I will be different...I will fundamentally be the same. The same loves, hobbies and irritants.
...I'm getting mewed at by a cat, here.
I don't want to go anymore, but not going is no longer an option. I mean, TECHNICALLY it might be one...but in my own life it's not. This is something i HAVE to do - and something i have to do by myself. If i don't now, I never will. I have to stop hiding behind the protection of what i know and step out into the unknown...it's just that the saying 'g'bye' hurts.
And now here's where i say it's not like I'm gone FOREVER. Just five months. Remember how fast the six from graduation went? It's this tug-of-war in my heart and soul.
It's weird. I thought I'd be going through this at a much later date - farther along my journey instead of ruining the Christmas I spend with my family. It's here, though, and i have to deal with it. Any suggestions?
I know that by the end of April I'll be fine. But April is a long ways away. The realest thing around is right now (and possibly tomorrow) and my missing people back home with everything in my soul.
It's like, i spend my whole life talking about how i can't WAIT to go on an 'adventure', and now that it's staring me in the face I don't know what to do other than sniffle. It's strange, stepping out of my bubble. It's difficult --> and I'm in a place i've been to EVERY YEAR OF MY LIFE. I can only imagine how scary everywhere else will be.
But no matter how much I like it there, I know I'll be glad to come home.
I'm starting to think a lot about the changes that are going to take place. I don't think I will change massively: I think that basically i am who i will be. My perceptions of people, of places and of realities will change. But i know that while I will be different...I will fundamentally be the same. The same loves, hobbies and irritants.
...I'm getting mewed at by a cat, here.
I don't want to go anymore, but not going is no longer an option. I mean, TECHNICALLY it might be one...but in my own life it's not. This is something i HAVE to do - and something i have to do by myself. If i don't now, I never will. I have to stop hiding behind the protection of what i know and step out into the unknown...it's just that the saying 'g'bye' hurts.
And now here's where i say it's not like I'm gone FOREVER. Just five months. Remember how fast the six from graduation went? It's this tug-of-war in my heart and soul.
It's weird. I thought I'd be going through this at a much later date - farther along my journey instead of ruining the Christmas I spend with my family. It's here, though, and i have to deal with it. Any suggestions?
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